Somehow, blogging enables me to process somethings that get stuck inside my head. If I can write it down, maybe it will make a little more sense, and sometimes maybe not. But as the Lord continues to grow me, show me, change me, I am thankful for this medium to use to work it out.
My birthday is in a few days. And whether or not I act like it, I hate my birthday. I casually blow if off anytime it is mentioned; I ignore the calendar; I pretend that it is only Valentines Day and not another birthday.
I haven't always felt this way toward my birthday. In fact, I remember vividly loving my birthday. Earlier in life, having sleep overs and friends over to play games and eat cake! Great times. The junior high sleep overs with all of their drama! =) and then in high school with a special someone to celebrate it with.
On my 16th birthday, my mom surprised me in a school assembly with balloons and 16 "cookie" roses, yes they were cookies! She always made things extra special. I was embarrassed but loved it! She knew me so well!
I can't put my finger on when I began hating my birthday. I would suppose it was sometime after becoming a mom and inching close to 30 and then past 30.
I remember feeling the same thing last year and funny how that seems like yesterday and not an entire year ago! Seriously, time is going faster and faster! Last year I flirted with this concept and this year I'm for sure!
I believe I have figured out why I hate my birthday:
With every birthday that comes it is 1 year closer to the age my mom was when she died.
I know it's stupid, but I'm convinced that that is it.
A sweet friend of mine was at my house today sharing about her dad and his death. He was only 53. I said, "That is so young." And it is...
My mom was 42.
So young!
Not too far off from where I am.
Crazy how powerful the mind is! That is why it is so important to capture every thought and make sure it aligns with scripture and give it to God and ask Him to fill your mind with His thoughts!
So... not super excited about another birthday.
about finding more and more gray hairs!
2 comments:
I just saw on the Siesta Fiesta blog that we share a birthday!
One good thing is that most people remember it since it's on Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry your mom passed away so young. That has to be very difficult. My mom is almost 78 and I can't even bear the thought of her not being here.
I do hope you had a happy birthday.
God bless,
Valerie
Hey Valerie! I saw that too when I posted my bday! It is very hard to forget our bdays, for sure.
I'm doing Beth's study right now, Esther, and it this past session (4) reminded me how no matter what happens, God is still faithful! He has taught me a lot and has grown me through all of it!
I did have a great birthday and I hope you did as well!
God bless,
Kari
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