19 years ago today
my mom died
I was 19.
Today,
I have lived exactly the
same amount of years
that I had my mom
as without my mom.
Surreal.
Bizarre.
Weird.
You would think that after 19 years,
I wouldn't miss her as much.
Well...
that is NOT the case.
I miss her ALL the time.
Some for the same reasons that I have missed her for 19 years.
But more and more I'm realizing
that as I get older,
I miss her in ways that I never knew I would.
What to do with a teenage son?
How the manage teaching & home stuff?
Getting grey hairs?
How did she cope at 38?
And the list grows...
For the past 2 years,
I have spent this day with my brother in California.
But not this year.
Being with him made this day WAY easier.
Not because we ignored it,
not because we denied it,
we were together.
We, who went through this junk together,
were together.
We understand,
we don't have to say anything
to know that we know.
So to say that July 4th is NOT my favorite holiday
would be an understatement.
