Monday, July 4, 2011

July 4, 19 Years Ago

19 years ago today

my mom died

I was 19.


I have lived exactly the

same amount of years

that I had my mom

as without my mom.


You would think that after 19 years,

I wouldn't miss her as much.


that is NOT the case.

I miss her ALL the time.

Some for the same reasons that I have missed her for 19 years.

But more and more I'm realizing

that as I get older,

I miss her in ways that I never knew I would.

What to do with a teenage son?

How the manage teaching & home stuff?

Getting grey hairs?

How did she cope at 38?

And the list grows...

For the past 2 years,

I have spent this day with my brother in California.

But not this year.

Being with him made this day WAY easier.

Not because we ignored it,

not because we denied it,

we were together.

We, who went through this junk together,

were together.

We understand,

we don't have to say anything

to know that we know.

So to say that July 4th is NOT my favorite holiday

would be an understatement.