Have there ever been pauses where you wonder...how did I get here, to this place?
Have there ever been times where you..(even though it makes you feel guilty) are ready to quit, give up?
I hope I'm not the only one out there, but at certain times, periods, or blinks of an eye I have felt this way.
I always hate feeling this way for many reasons, but the main nag is I would like to know if my mother ever felt this way.
So I don't feel so bad.
So I would know I'm "normal."
So I .....
But I can't.
And I hate it.
Over the past 19 years, I have learned that it is very difficult to think poorly or negatively about my mom. I believe one of the grief books that I attempted to read said that it is normal to idealize those who have died. We make them "perfect". Because of this, I can't imagine that my mom would have felt anything like the psychoticness that I feel on any given day!
That's that make me take a deep breath and sigh!