Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I am a Runner...just of Another Kind

A ton of my friends run.
Some are brand new to running.
Others have run a while.
And still others have run since college.

I HATE running!!!!
Could I run?
Yes, but I HATE running!

But tonight, I realized that I am a runner
Just not the typical runner that runs for exercise.

I like to flee.
Get away!
Live in denial!

My running is a coping mechanism that I have possessed for probably longer than I even realize.  It would be interesting to see if I could pinpoint when this began, but maybe I'll save that for a separate post!

Honestly, I sincerely thought that this habitual pattern was gone from my life!
But man oh man, it swept over me faster than you can blink your eye!

I want to run so bad it actually hurts!
I want to go far far away!

I think there are a few healthy situations in which running is a good thing to do....
when you are going to be hurt physically.... 
when you are in danger....
uh, hello run!

So what about when you may be hurt emotionally?
when you are in emotional danger?
is running from that ok then?

This may seem all over the place, but this is a post of processing, I s'pose.

So what happens when something comes up OUT OF THE BLUE!??  You didn't know it was going to happen, you couldn't plan for it, no way of knowing!  So what's the first thing I want to do....

My verse for this month could not be more appropriate.  That is exactly what I did this morning...  cried out to the my anguish!

Realistically, I can't run away, no matter how great the urge is within me.  

And I must only run to Him!  Into His arms!
Even if I can't see how this ends up,
Even if I can't understand why this is happening,
No matter what I may be thinking, feeling,

The Lord is my helper!



(and I HAVE to repeat that OVER & OVER AGAIN!!!!!)

1 comment:

tonia said...

What ya running from?
I do know how you feel, I felt that last year when we were doing "No Other Gods". It's almost a panic feeling. Just hold on tight to Christ. Mine was based on fear. I was terrified of what might happen if I let it all go and truely trusted that God could handle it. It had become a comfort for me to trust myself and no one else. That sounds twisted, but when the fear sets in, nothing makes sence! I'll be praying for you. You just have to face whatever you want to run from, no matter how hard it may seem, God will lead you through it and set you free on the other side! Love ya, it will be okey! :)