Thursday, June 2, 2011

18 Years!

18 years ago this summer, there were two major life changing events that happened to me! I was 19 and so not ready for either event. These life altering events have been thrust into my face this week! I have not enjoyed looking at them head-on, I much rather like to ignore and deny.

But for what ever reason, this year I have been forced to remember the junk of the summer of '92. During the second week of school, my bridge in my mouth broke, again. I have been living with a broken bridge for about 8 years, but because of cost, I haven't fixed it. It was a side tooth and I became very good at hiding it with my tongue or lip. But this August, the 2 front teeth of my bridge broke off. This was different!!! I instantly had a lisp, no lip or tongue could hide this break. Needless to say, I freaked out! Not because I'm that vain, but because anytime something happens with my mouth, I'm transported back to the summer of '92 and the junk that remains there.

The summer between my freshmen and sophomore year in college, I went to a summer camp in Missouri to work as a counselor. Never having worked at summer camp before I was excited and my best friend, Mary, was going too! My mother was very sick though and I almost decided to stay home. But being the kind of mom she was, she told me that she wanted me to have a normal summer and that I should go. As soon as I got to camp I had a discussion with God and I told Him that if Mom died while I was gone, I would NEVER be able to live with myself if I wasn't there when that happened.

The first week was training and the second week was blind camp. Because of the extra needs, not every counselor had campers. Mary had campers and I didn't. During rest period one day, a bunch of workers were down on the lake skiing and having a break. Mary and I were spotting in the boat as others were skiing.

Robert wanted to try to slalom ski. As his knee broke water, he fell and the 75 foot ski rope came flying back at the boat. I remember everything turned into a slo-mo movie and I saw the rope coming towards me, but I couldn't move. The handle of the rope hit me in my mouth. Really unaware of what exactly happened, I turned to look at Mary and knew by the expression on her face that it wasn't good. All I felt was warmth and then began to taste blood. I leaned over the boat and saw 2 teeth fall into the water as well as fish swimming around eating my blood.

To make a long story short, I was taken to the local ER, but they sent me to Jefferson City to a larger hospital where I had surgery to repair my broken pallet. The handle had pushed my top pallet behind and lower than my bottom teeth. So the doctors rebuilt my pallet and stitched up where 3 teeth were missing. Thus began this long road of mouth issues with me!!!

Yesterday, my bridge was cut and for the first time in 18 years, I'm toothless again. I HATE seeing myself like this. I can't begin to describe what comes back into my mind! Because I have no gum and no teeth, my lip sinks in terribly. I have a temporary thing that I wear, but I can't eat with it or sleep with it, so I'm forced to feel and see it again. I thought I was ok with it, but deep down was again just denying and ignoring.

Really I am fine! I know that my accident was God's will. I know it 100%. After my stay in the hospital, my dad came down to Missouri and picked me up and I went home. 2 weeks later my mom died. I was home! God heard me and knew I wouldn't have been able to live with myself had I not been there, and I was! He made sure that I was home when she died. And the injury could have been so much worse. I could have lost an eye, I could have been killed if it had hit my nose, I could have been disfigured in a more visible way. I know all of this and believe it!

But I have to be honest....I'm so sick of my mouth crap! I'm tired of still 18 years later having to deal with it! I want it over! Unfortunately, the only way for this to never be an issue for me again cost around $35,000-$50,000. So, I continue to deal with it! I'm hoping that what we are doing now will last at least 5 years and I'm hoping that I will have it by July, but not holding me breath! It will come in when it's supposed to!

I haven't missed seeing this holey smile. I haven't missed feeling the weirdness in my mouth. But I must remember that this must too be a part of God's will and plan. He did provide funding for this latest part of this long journey, which I'm so thankful for! And I must remember it could be much worse! I must remember that He IS faithful!!!

As far as the 2nd event of that summer, my mom's death, I will address that at a later time.

1 comment:

Tonia said...

Kari, I haven't checked this in forever, but have been trying to stay away from FB, seems to have become an addiction for me and without that, there doesn't seem to be much to do on the computer. So I checked my favorites and seen your blog page. Just wanted you to know how much you still bless me. Your honest words are heartfelt and it blesses me so! Thank you. I loved our friendship and miss it so much at times. You were the one that helped me onto the path with God that has changed my life. Thank you for answering God's call to lead. I will keep you in my prayers for what you are dealing with right now. Just wanted you to know how much I love ya!